I find myself looking for you every time I visit the house I once called home. At first, I am excited to see you again after so many months, but then I remember. Instead, I come home to a stillness that still hangs in the air. The only sound is that of my worn-out sneakers against the hardwood floor. The floor has lost some of its shine since I was last here. I know that you must be here, somewhere, somehow. Probably just around the corner, in the next room. So I wander room to room, knowing that eventually, I will find you. In some rooms of the house, everything is where it should be. Your belongings perfectly in place. Untouched. In other rooms, your belongings have been hidden away, as if that can somehow erase the pain of your sudden passing. But I know exactly where everything should be. In the absence, now there are bittersweet memories. Sometimes I see you lingering silently in the shadows. Sometimes I think I feel your presence in the
The trauma and grief keep resurfacing,
Despite my efforts to shove them away.
Hold it together--
Bite back the tears
Because life keeps spinning,
Keeps turning
Faster and faster,
Out of my control.
Hold on tightly;
Don't let go,
Or you'll lose what little you have left.
Snowflakes fall from the heavens above,
Softly fluttering in the frigid breeze.
I can’t let go; I don’t want to move on,
Caught up in memories of what once was.
The cold numbs my hands,
But it’s nothing compared to the emptiness inside.
Thoughts and memories swirl together
In puffs of air and clouds of smoke;
The shadows may blind me
From what I already know,
But the rain can't wash away
The stench that lingers on your clothes
Or the lies that always follow
In the ashes, as the light dies out.
City lights and burning stars
I'll find you wherever you are
Watching as they light up the sky
Hold my breath, try not to cry
Cross the bridge before they burn out
And I know without a doubt that
As the rain falls all around me
It changed who I used to be
The stars reflect their final glow
One last chance before I go and
Look for you on the other side
Wond'ring if peace is what I'll find
They say you're in a better place,
But how do they know?
They promise it gets easier,
But how is that so?
They believe I'll learn to move on,
But what if I can't?
They claim that it'll be okay,
But what if they're wrong?
I find myself looking for you every time I visit the house I once called home. At first, I am excited to see you again after so many months, but then I remember. Instead, I come home to a stillness that still hangs in the air. The only sound is that of my worn-out sneakers against the hardwood floor. The floor has lost some of its shine since I was last here. I know that you must be here, somewhere, somehow. Probably just around the corner, in the next room. So I wander room to room, knowing that eventually, I will find you. In some rooms of the house, everything is where it should be. Your belongings perfectly in place. Untouched. In other rooms, your belongings have been hidden away, as if that can somehow erase the pain of your sudden passing. But I know exactly where everything should be. In the absence, now there are bittersweet memories. Sometimes I see you lingering silently in the shadows. Sometimes I think I feel your presence in the
The trauma and grief keep resurfacing,
Despite my efforts to shove them away.
Hold it together--
Bite back the tears
Because life keeps spinning,
Keeps turning
Faster and faster,
Out of my control.
Hold on tightly;
Don't let go,
Or you'll lose what little you have left.
Snowflakes fall from the heavens above,
Softly fluttering in the frigid breeze.
I can’t let go; I don’t want to move on,
Caught up in memories of what once was.
The cold numbs my hands,
But it’s nothing compared to the emptiness inside.
Thoughts and memories swirl together
In puffs of air and clouds of smoke;
The shadows may blind me
From what I already know,
But the rain can't wash away
The stench that lingers on your clothes
Or the lies that always follow
In the ashes, as the light dies out.
City lights and burning stars
I'll find you wherever you are
Watching as they light up the sky
Hold my breath, try not to cry
Cross the bridge before they burn out
And I know without a doubt that
As the rain falls all around me
It changed who I used to be
The stars reflect their final glow
One last chance before I go and
Look for you on the other side
Wond'ring if peace is what I'll find
They say you're in a better place,
But how do they know?
They promise it gets easier,
But how is that so?
They believe I'll learn to move on,
But what if I can't?
They claim that it'll be okay,
But what if they're wrong?
I never understood why people did it. In this day and age, people didn't have extra money to throw away, so I knew that wasn't it. I couldn't see any other reason. It was just stupid to do. I hated it with all my heart. I want to kill all the people who thought of it. Did they intend to ruin everyone else's life? But why? Was it fun?
If that was why they did it, they were sick bastards. I didn't think it was fun at all. I wanted to tear my heart out because of it. I cried myself to sleep because of it. Was this why they did it? Just to see people like me cry?
And I knew it happened again the moment I walked in to the room. The dense air gav
Ugly little marks they are,
in the past they burn as fire,
festering to heal,
leaving behind a shatter memory,
what else would some call them?
Going into battles,
a family disagreement gone wrong,
traveling through an alley that ended almost in tragic,
slip or a cut,
unplanned to happen,
just a minor bump in the road,
that just won't go away.
Never a certain size,
discoloring and rough,
for some cases that it is,
a tattoo of mistakes . . .
Well,
that's how just most,
would call it is,
in trying to hide the faults,
ignoring the honor to it,
not finding a place to keep the horror and the sublime away.
Never easy,
never hard,
just a problem
There are times when one loses hope. When one just stands there, for a single moment, and stares. Just stares out into the horizon, looking and looking, almost as if waiting for something to come. But it never comes. They stand there, they watch, and they wait, and they are disappointed. No one is exactly sure what keeps giving them hope, or enough courage to stand there another time, but something does. Something, deep down, reaches up into their mind and says, wait again, it will come. So they wait because that's what the voice told them to do, that's what their feelings say, and they keep waiting. Some wait all of their life, without ever
I am a visual artist and writer. I typically do traditional art, story-writing, poetry, and I sometimes experiment with photography. I used to focus on anything realistic, such as animals, people, and landscapes, but now I'm trying to branch out because reality isn't always that simple. Reality is however we perceive it: good or bad, dark or beautiful, happy or sad, or some combination of those. I find art with a deeper message or that challenges a norm in some way to be most interesting.
Art is there to express what cannot be explained any other way. It is part of my life that coexists with pain, but also with hope.
***Many people consider a lot of my work dark, so please take that into consideration. Also, not everything I write is about my personal experiences, regardless of what perspective I write from.***
If anyone needs support during this time, recovery groups are moving online.
Some smaller groups might still meet in person, but many areas do frequently have groups of 50-100+ people. I haven't searched in depth for what programs besides AA, NA, and SMART are online, but likely way more than on this list. Your local AA or NA Intergroup probably also has someone on call who can direct you to more options.
InTheRooms App offers many different recovery programs via phone/video. It's one of the most commonly known.
SMART already offered online meetings and support forums and chat room.
***Reminder that open groups are available for ANYONE, r
Due to the nature of many of my works, I'm posting this because many of my followers likely struggle with addiction.
Here are some free addiction recovery resources I have learned about, since not everyone can afford treatment. They include 12 Step and non-12 Step options. There are more, and if you know of any, please let me know, and I will add them to the list. This list is here because AA and NA do not fit the everyone’s needs, but it is difficult to find other free options if you are new to the recovery community.
Please keep my personal experiences anonymous. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I do not have personal experience with al
Hey everyone,
So I've had a lot going on the past year, but the past two months have been very difficult for me, which has resulting in a sudden increase in my creativity. Maybe that's a good thing mixed in with a lot of bad things; I don't know.
Anyway, I've been trying to focus more on creative writing, so you might see some writings in my scraps. Most of these will be completely or mostly unedited, and I won't be uploading all of them.
I've also been trying some other new things, such as watercolor. I've never had much luck with it, but I want to learn, and the piece I am currently working on seems like an acceptable attempt so far.